The Vulnerability of Making Art
feeding your little Calcifer
Lettie Jane’s Intuitive Drawing is a weekly newsletter about my drawing practice, creative work in general, household labor, and being human. (With a little bonus bunny content at the end).
Greetings friends,
This weekend, I wrapped up the most recent sessions of Deeper Drawing and Intuitive Drawing. Finishing these two classes puts me in mind of how it feels to make art, put it on the wall, and talk about it.
Artwork—traveling first from the safety of our imagination and onto paper, then up on the cold, hard walls of the world, and finally in front of a potentially critical audience—can feel like a tender little flame. Let’s call it Calcifer in honor of the Miyazaki character from Howl’s Moving Castle.
Three words of praise about this tender new artwork can cause our ideas to start sparking. We’ve got enthusiasm for the next piece, we love making art, hurray! One word of criticism, and BAM, that fire is out. Calcifer is cold. We’ve decided art isn’t for us. Why try? What were we thinking?
There is something so terrible about criticism that some of us decide making art is a risk not worth taking.
When we put ourselves and our creativity into our work, it can feel incredibly vulnerable. Whether we are drawing, baking bread, building a shelf or writing a poem. We can do many of these activities sans heart and soul, (we need to eat! we need a bookshelf!) but when they become art, (heart and soul back in there) we are sharing ourselves, and oh boy, the tenderness!
Our creativity’s skin can be so tender that a raised eyebrow might feel like a slap in the face. Applying for one art show and not getting in (rejected!) might cause us to stop applying to art shows. Having a high school art teacher who didn’t like our drawings might make us never draw again. One word of criticism could mean our art practice is over.
Brené Brown is famous for her TED talk on the benefits of being vulnerable. When we share ourselves and others accept us, we gain strength and confidence. I often feel like a little kid, showing you all my freaky drawings and asking, “Do you like me now? How about now?” The absolutely terrifying fear of rejection does have a flip side: acceptance. Finding people who like my freaky drawings feeds my little Calcifer, I make more drawings because I feel safe to make drawings.
I’ve had loads of creative encouragement, and still had a challenging time validating my artwork in the face of potential rejection. I have slowly (remember I’m 43 now) lived through the process of making loads of art. This means I have made bad art, I have had people not like my work, and I have applied for things and not gotten them. I have art in the world I don’t like. Through it all, I can’t seem to stop drawing. Somehow, I have kept going. I have shown my freaky drawings to people I trust, to people I know, and now, quite regularly, to total strangers.
For many of us, recognizing that we like to draw isn’t so wild. The wild leap is going from this incessant need to doodle or capture the world around us to MAKING A PIECE OF ART. I think some of the fear of art making has to do with hierarchy in the art world, Capitalist scarcity, and a dominant cultural narrative that makes art feel inaccessible. Those are just the external factors.
Internally, making a piece of art is so hard because it involves the process of stepping back and reflecting on ourselves.
Reflecting on myself and showing it to other people? That is some scary-ass-shit.
Let’s get back to talking about our tender little art self, Calcifer. Calcifer puts their art on the wall and suddenly sees all these things about themself. Can everyone else see them too? If everyone else sees it, will they reject me? This is when I tell myself (or Calcifer) you will not be abandoned for making bad art.
If you love to create, feed Calcifer. If you show your creative work to someone and they say “that’s cute” and you feel terrible, show someone else. Show your art to the people who say
I love that! That makes me feel something. Your art is amazing.
The more you connect with yourself in the practice, the more honestly you can connect with others. Now, more than ever, we need your truest and most authentic self. We need you and your art.
Until next week,
Much love, Lettie Jane
Upcoming Classes:
Deeper Drawing starts February 22nd and still has available spots:
Deeper Drawing (Saturday Afternoon) (5 weeks)
Dates: Saturdays, February 22nd – March 22nd
Time: 1:30pm – 4:30pmIf you haven’t listened to LINE TIME then what the hell are you doing? Sit down with yourself, your friend, or your kids and draw for 15 minutes.
Many Queens Tarot is just $25.10 and makes a great gift.
So many beautiful PRINTS at Buy Olympia!
Tidbits:
I’ve been watching Severance I am FULL OF QUESTIONS, but patiently waiting on the answers.
I’ve been drinking smoothies with oat milk and they are basically morning milkshakes.
Nicky and I are blazing through Wings of Fire (on book 9 now) and driving everyone else crazy by listening to it almost all the hours that we aren’t at school/work.
I’m taking cody cook parrott’s class FIELDWORK with my friend Breesa and stoked to see where that goes.
I loved the Radius Selfies and Self Care art show - it’s up all month if you wanna stop by and check it out. I have a tiny (3’ x 3”) bathtub painting in it.
I’m not looking at social media, and just reading the New Yorker. I’m hoping that I am aware enough of the shit show going on in the world, but not feeling completely and utterly hopeless in the face of it.
I love having checkered pants with a stretchy waistband - thank you Lucy and Yak.
I am still meditating every day, sometimes it is 1 minute and sometimes it is 20.
Matt made me a mix for my birthday and wrote 6 pages of liner notes and it is such a sweet present.
Bun Updates
We all talk about how Trouble is a murder-bun. He will charge at the children and demand treats by biting their ankles. Nicky wears rubber boots to feed him in the morning. Here is documentation of the other side of Trouble, the rabbit that will peacefully eat a treat while Nicky stacks bunny toys on his back. Pet him, pick him up, he won’t run and hide, he’s here to party, even if it is sometimes murder-bun style.
💛
"Reflecting on myself and showing it to other people? That is some scary-ass-shit." << feel this! thanks for your words.